This is the Hardest Part

This is the hardest part.


Sitting with my sweet girl before she boards the plane and leaves for the school year- it breaks my heart. And once she walks through the gate, I have to watch and wait as she sits right there- so close- before the plane takes off.

And then she’s gone.

I walk back to the car alone, her radio station is still playing. Her water bottle from breakfast is still in my cup holder. The little traces of her linger and I don’t want to wash her clothes and put them away until next time.

I pick Carter and Clare up and we go to lunch. I feel like something is missing, and it is. She is always in the back of my mind.

Carter and Clare still ask about her, he slips up and calls me Elle Kade on accident. They don’t understand the concept of time and how long it will be until they will see her again.


I take the kids to lunch and Carter chooses pizza. I don’t even bother ordering a salad and choose to eat my feelings instead. Is that justified? No. Do I feel better now? No.

So we go thrift shopping to distract. We spend hours wandering the stores and I only end up buying books (tons of books) for the kids and a few to mail Elle Kade. Retail Therapy.

It’s bedtime now and I’ve tucked my babies in and kissed them good night, all but one. That void is so real right now, and I just lay on her bed as I write this trying to connect with her somehow. She was here just a few hours ago. And I don’t know when I’ll see her again.

It gets easier. Some days are better than others, not every day is like today. I still get to see her beautiful face when we FaceTime and I can call her tomorrow. I am so grateful for the time that she spent with us this summer, and I am already looking forward to the next time I get to visit her. Until then, this is the hardest part.


Full Circle


You know when you have those moments when everything comes full circle and you start to see the bigger picture? You almost have to catch your breath and you have goosebumps because you realize that your divine potential is greater than anything you could have imagined for yourself?

As I was washing the dishes today, I had one of those moments. And when I think about everything that I had to go through, all of the challenges and struggles that placed me exactly where I stand today, I am reminded that everything happens for a reason.
If you could rewind for a minute and see what my life was like in my darkest times- during a custody battle that lasted for years, while I struggled to find peace as a new mom, all of the moments when I felt burdened with more than I could bear… All of those trials made me stronger.

And all along, that strength was always there. It needed to be refined and molded into something recognizable, but I can see it now. I know that I am capable of doing hard things. I know that I can lift others and share my story so those situations might not be so hard for someone else. I can comfort and empathize with other mamas who have heavy hearts.
And none of that would have been possible without the mental, physical, and emotional transformation that has happened since I became a coach.

Everything is so interconnected… If we are struggling with something emotional, it manifests itself physically and mentally. Finding a way to overcome one area will inevitably begin the overall healing process. Until eventually we look back and realize that everything fell into place exactly how it should.

People enter our lives, opportunities present themselves, daily reminders appear and we just have to learn to wait for them, watch for them, and act on them when the time is right.
So take a moment to reflect tonight on where you are in your journey and visualize where you want to go. Wherever you are is exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment, but you are capable of so much more than settling for limiting beliefs. You are capable of changing your life, you just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to become the person you are meant to be